How it works
- Score. Rate eight areas twice: how each is now, and how much it matters to you. One to ten, no overthinking.
- Find the gap. Matters minus Now. The two biggest gaps are where to start, not the loudest feeling.
- Write. Answer the three questions for those two areas, on paper. The one that stings is the useful one.
- Plan 90 days. One or two small changes you can start this week. Any big decision waits until day 90.
The eight areas, and a question from each
- WorkNot your title. Whether the hours you give it are worth it.
If this job ended tomorrow, what would I miss, and what would I be relieved to lose?
- MoneyNot how much. Whether it buys you freedom or costs you sleep.
What am I spending to look like someone, rather than to live like someone?
- Body and healthThe one you'll be living in at seventy.
When did I last see a doctor for a check-up, not an emergency?
- PartnerOr the absence of one. How it actually is, not how it looks.
When did we last talk about something that wasn't logistics?
- Kids and familyThe people above and below you: children, parents, siblings.
Which of my kids (or nieces, nephews, younger people) do I really know right now?
- FriendsMen lose friends quietly in their forties. Count yours.
Who could I call at 2 a.m., and when did I last call them for no reason?
- PurposeWhat the next twenty years are for.
What would I regret not having tried, if I stopped here?
- Time and energyWhere the days actually go.
If I looked at last week hour by hour, what would surprise me?
The PDF has all 24 questions, the scoring page, the keep / change / let go page and the 90-day plan.
Questions men ask
What is a midlife life audit?
An honest look at the main areas of your life, usually in your forties or fifties: how each one is now, how much it matters to you, and where the gap is biggest. It turns a vague feeling that something's wrong into one or two specific things to change.
What questions should I ask myself in a midlife crisis?
Start with: what would I regret not trying, what am I doing only out of habit, who could I tell the truth to, and what is one change I could test in the next 90 days. The audit has three questions for each of eight areas of life.
Should I make big changes during a midlife crisis?
Not straight away. The audit's rule is 90 days: write the change down, talk to someone you trust, and test a small version first. Big decisions made to stop a feeling usually don't stop it.
How long does the audit take?
About an hour, alone, with a pen. Some men do it again with their partner afterward. Doing it twice a year is a good habit.
What if the audit shows something more serious?
If you feel low most days, can't sleep, are drinking more to cope, or have thoughts of not wanting to be here, talk to a doctor. In the US you can call or text 988 at any time; veterans dial 988, then press 1.
Go deeper, in forty minutes
